When Life Strangles My Creativity

The past few weeks have been tough.  Life has simply swept me away.  The daily demands of family and work are a lot in and of themselves, but when you add on top of that things like auto accidents with property damage, added work hours, a death of a close friend and the gloom of winter, I have been finding myself at the end of my strength.

As in the past, my creativity is the first thing to go.  And as I realize this, I see how little value I have place on it.  I have internalized the messages that art is frivolous and "extra" or a "luxury".  I have even arrived at a place where I wonder if God even cares about art.  I realize, after a bit of soul searching, that He does care for He is the Creator and we are made in his image, so we must be made to create and look at all the cool stuff we have created!  So much beautiful art, visual and other wise has been made to worship and glorify God.  Not only that but art edifies us, lifts us up and encourages us.  It also makes us think and reconsider when it shocks us.  Not to say that all art has a positive effect, but that potential is there.

I have to remind myself of all these things.  I know now, with no doubts, that God has called me to be an artist, to share and develop my talents and use them for the encouragement and blessing of others. But realizing this is not enough.  I have to take action and that is what requires strength.

It has been 20 days since I posted here. That is not my best.  I want to post here a couple times a week, but when I am tired and stressed, I want to crawl into a dark, quiet place and sleep.  I don't get to do that though, so, I become lethargic and apathetic, not to mention cranky!

Now I know creatives have struggled with this kind of thing through out the generations.  We all know about poor Vincent Van Gogh and Ernest Hemingway.  I don't think there are too many artistic people who have not at one time or another struggled to create, let alone get along with the demands and difficulties of life.  But I believe it is important to realize there is a struggle and to recognize the triggers and the patterns which I fall into.  I don't have to stay  in this place.  I'm actually thoroughly sick of being here!  I hate that my motivation only comes in spurts.  I especially hate that television and food are easy ways to medicate my problem rather than me taking the time to deal with my problem.

So here's my plan. I know I have to have a plan and by posting it here, I am making a declaration that I am going to follow through with the plan!

1.  I am going to get more sleep... God willing...one way or another! And I am going to keep the Sabbath.  We all need a day off.

2. I am going to rise early EVERY DAY before everyone else, so I can spend some time alone with God and prepare for the day.  (By the way, I am taking a 30 day Rise Early Challenge to help me stay motivated.  Click here to check it out and maybe get yourself inspired!)

3. I am going to walk away from the television more often.  It only gets in the way of making stuff!

4.  I am going to take some art classes and get involved with a writer's group.  I need to be around other creative people, in a face to face way to help me stay sharp and get sharper!

5.  I am going to post here at least once a week about what  I am doing to make this happen.

6.  Sketch daily.  Write daily.  Even if it's just for 15 minutes!

7.  I am going to get a longer vision.  Life is not an emergency!

Okay, now, before I make this list too long, I am going to stop.  This is a good place to start.  I would love to know what you think about my plan and share what you do to keep yourself creative when life gets hectic.  Please leave a comment!  I want to know what you have to say.  Thanks so much for stopping by to read my thoughts.  That fact that you did means so much to me!

Expectations

When I started this blog, I had this expectation that I would start posting my art work and comments and someone would see my stuff and things would start to happen.  Well, I have had a lot of someones check out my site and I have gotten some nice compliments and feed back.  Posting comments have had the effect of a journal, which a good journal will always get the writer to do some soul searching.  Five months in and it is February, the dreariest month of the year, and I am realizing I have so much yet to learn!

My art is nice, but it could be so much better.  My writing is okay, but this too needs be crafted more.  I am finding it difficult to keep up with my blog, my portfolio and my story ideas in a busy home with a family and part time jobs.  Goals I set for myself have gone from being steep inclines to mountains to climb.  I am also battling my own fears which in the light of logic look ridiculous, but they are still there when logic takes a nap.

So, I am still struggling with what I started to wrestle with in December.  My productivity has sagged and my frustration has become as prickly as an agitated porcupine.  In my clearer moments I KNOW this is just life.  Life is tricky, trying, tiring, testing and sometimes just trifling.  The lesson to learn here is the same as it was before... perseverance.  It has been the lesson for I don't know how long.  I have to keep learning it and persevering through the tests at the end of each lesson.

As I look out at this gloomy mid-winter day, I am trying to readjust my expectations and goals.  In the months ahead, I don't know what will happen in regards to my art, but my goal is to keep making it and to keep seeking to make it better.  I don't know how well I will balance my responsibilities  but my goal is to keep trying to figure it out, even if I totally blow it from time to time.  I just pray for the grace to get through the blunders.  I don't know if I will ever lose all of my sharp edges, but I am going to continue to grind on them.  One day, they may disappear.  My expectations will continue to get too big at times, but Lord willing, I will have future moments of clarity and readjust them to reality.

Thanks for stopping by to read my thoughts.  My purpose is to document my journey as a revived artist, trying to make my art while still doing motherhood and being a wife along with all the work that life gives us to do.  Your comments always mean so much to me so please let me know what you think.  Blessings to you dear Reader!

Angel Wings

My little angel has found a play mate.  This week on Illustration Friday, the theme is "Wing".  My original drawing had her lying on a ledge.  I thought tiny flowers would made it look more whimsical.  Thanks for stopping by to see her up close.  Please leave a comment.  I'd love to know what you think of them.

Reevaluating My Motivation

Over the past several weeks I have been finding myself questioning all of this "pursuing a career" stuff.  I've never been a career minded person to begin with (having a job was a means to an end, that being supporting my family) so I just thought I was having a case of cold feet, experiencing the fear and uncertainty of a new venture.  Tonight, though, I am wondering if the motivation I have been using to keep me working has been bothering me because it grinds against the way I am made and what I believe.  Maybe my not being a "career person" is just who I am.

When I speak of a career person, I mean the idea that I am only doing this or that job because there is a carrot called money dangling in my face and I am really wanting that carrot.  This makes me uncomfortable spiritually.  I acknowledge that I need money, we all do, but if I claim faith in in God, do I not trust that he will provide for me, so striving with only avarice in my heart denies that faith.  But if I work at my job, what ever it might be with an eye on being a blessing to others and trust God to care for my physical needs, I work with a motivation that is more nourishing to my soul.

Creating art has been seen a as a soulful pursuit, not a money making scheme.  If artists made art and people fell over themselves to buy it, it would be seen as a money making scheme.  Having said that, I know there are a handful of artists, who are famous and adored by millions, whether visual artist, musicians or writers, and they are multi-millionairs, but they are a rarefied group.  What about the rest of us?  What about me?  I would like to make a living from my art, but I never have.  I have never really tried.  But I have also never made art with the idea of being a blessing.

What would happen if I did?

So maybe I need a New Year's Resolution for the end of January (it's never too late to make a resolution to change for the better).  I am resolving to change my focus and motivation.  I am resolving to make my priority to be and bring a blessing to those who experience my creations.  I did not make myself to be an artist.  These talents have just happened to me and the joy they give me has caused me to work at my skills.  I am going to work at being a blessing.

Jesus said if someone makes you walk a mile, walk two with them.  If someone takes your coat, give him your shirt too.  Why should I look at my talent as something to horde?  God has given me this gift without any strings attached.  He has given it to me freely to use how ever I please, even for my own gain.  What if I give my talent away as freely as it has been given to me?  I know, there are going be to those who say, NO!  you will cheapen it for the rest of us!  I understand and I don't want to do that, but the greatest artists, those who have made really amazing stuff that has come down to us through the ages made it out of love... love of making beauty, love of entertaining and teaching people, love of the divine.  Money is nice, but it is not everything.  And for those who believe that God is good and that he provides for even those who do not love him, there is no need to fear.  I know sounds Polly Annaish but I believe this.

I want to give to others.  I want to make people smile and to be encouraged.  I want to create beauty.  I want to make that which will point to the God who has made us and loves all of humanity.  I want to be his instrument.

(I want to add that I had just started reading a book, APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur - How to Publish a Book, by Guy Kawasaki and Shawn Welch when this hit me with such clarity.  I am going to read the rest of it, interested in following their advice, but with a different motive.  Thanks for the book, guys).

Thank you for reading my thoughts.  I am not really writing to persuade anyone but myself and you have a right to your opinion and your own motivations.  It is none of my business what your motive might be, but I am intrigued by your thoughts on the matter because I want to understand others.  So, please feel free to share your comments on this post. I appreciate that you stopped by to read it!

Trying Out Hand Lettering and Gouache

 Sometimes trying a new medium can be intimidating, even if it is not a terrible messy one with lots of preparation involved.  But, even then, it can be hard to pick something up that is new.

sketch

sketch for Matthew 6:25 - 26 

sketches and lettering rough

 I decided to try two new things today.  Hand lettering and painting with gouache   I bought the gouache last year and finally decided to try it after looking at several picture books which used it in their illustrations.  I must have expected it to behave like water color.  It only slightly mimicked watercolor.  So it is a whole new thing to me and reminds me of when I was a kid using poster paints before I graduated to acrylics.  The worst thing is that I have lost my flexibility. When I took art classes in junior high and high school the teachers would come up with all these different projects with all kinds of different mediums.  Whether that is good or bad, I don't  know.  It could be argued that there should be more focus to allow for mastery of each kind.  At any rate, it was easy to try new things then.  Now, I feeling frustrated with my first tries, which is ridiculous but I feel it none the less.

The plan now is to keep at it.  Try it some more.  I wish I had more patience.  I want to have a finished piece RIGHT NOW!  Okay, take a breath!  Let it out.  There.  Okay, gotta calm down!  Slow down.

Thanks for taking a look at my sketches.  I like how my lettering came out, though my hand did tremble a bit, but I think that adds to the hand crafted quality.  Please leave a comment.  I'd love to know what you think.

Playing On the Beach

This week on Illustration Friday, "Ocean" is the theme.  Couldn't we all use a trip there?

I imagined my kids playing on the sand on a sunny beach.  I think this would make a nice series showing the children walking and playing on the beach and in the ocean.  I may explore that.

Scanning this piece was frustrating.  When I get the cash, I'm going to have to upgrade my scanner.  The colors are so pale in this scan, so I'm disappointed.  But I'm happy with the original!

Thanks for stopping by to check out my art.  Let me know what you think!

Leaping From the Edge

This week's Illustration Friday theme is "edge".

Reggie stood at the edge of the pool.  The water looked deep.  Reggie felt scared.  Mommy was right there.  He took a deep breath.

Thanks for stopping by to check out my art work. I'm having fun getting back to graphite.  Please leave a comment.  I'd love to know what you think of it and if you have an suggestions!