Gaining Momemtum

When you have a part time job that doesn't need you as often as you like, it's easy to begin to feel guilty.  I had that problem this past week.  I wanted to go to work and make some extra cash for the family, but at the same time I wanted to stay home and work on illustrations and look for potential markets.  So, I have to remind myself, that even though I didn't get to work much for money now, I did get to work at pursuing my goals which will pay off in the long run.

I went through my art work and found I need to really get focused on creating my portfolio.  So, I got to work making new sketches and plans for pieces that will be good quality.  This is a new experience for me because I have almost always made art as I feel like it, not with great purpose.  Realizing I had so few that suited me was not, I realized, a good excuse to put off setting up a web site where I can display my portfolio.  After all, I need to keep it evolving and changing anyway, so why not start with work I have now?  Not having the quality I think I should have has kept me from go after my dream anyway!  So I now have a domain name of my own and a web site.  Check it out by going to the portfolio link at the top of this page.

Last night I stayed up to get serious about collecting submission information for magazines.  I have a copy of the 2012 Children's Writer's and Illustrator's Market which is a great place to get started because there is so much information is in one reference. I looked up the listings they have to double check information and get any additional that was left out.  Plus I looked at some of the online samples that some of the magazines have because there is no point in sending a sample pack to a company that wouldn't match up well with my stuff.

I started a sketch with a particular magazine in mind on Thursday evening.  As I have been reading, I get the feeling sending samples that will cater to the magazine's interests might be a better way to get their attention.  Reading, Breaking into Freelance Illustration by Holly DeWolf is so full of great information about branding, marketing, finances and contracts.  I highly recommend reading this book for anyone seeking to become an illustrator.  I am doing the best I can to follow her advice, though I have to say I still feel overwhelmed when I read her book because there is so much to do!

Keeping up with weekly goals is challenging and very distracting, but I'm learning a lot about recognizing when I am stressed, although I have not perfected a method of dealing with it yet!  I'm feeling really excited to be moving forward and I feel like I am nearing a place of action that will allow me to make opportunities to actually do illustration as a job.

I had really mixed feelings about my Illustration Friday entry for this past week's theme, but I know I am still growing as an artist.  I can't let myself get discouraged and quit.  Even if I am not satisfied, which I may never feel satisfied with my work all the time, I have to keep at it.  The momentum is building, so here I go!

Consider it Joy

James 1:2 - 8 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

      But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

On the outside, pursuing this dream to become and illustrator and author doesn't look like a trial.  It's not like I have experienced rejection yet, or broken a sweat or gone bankrupt.  I'm still in the infancy stages, building a presentable portfolio, developing a blog that displays my process, work and voice, finding my "style" and just keeping up with the schedule I have made for myself.  But it is change, even if it is only changing my mind.

Last week I joined a lovely group of people on Face Book to form a critique group.  We introduced ourselves and posted our respective sites so that each of us could look into the work of the others.  Each person told a little about themselves too.  

Well, I'm going to admit it.  I got intimidated.  It really has little to do with the people as much as it has to do with me talking to actual people and exposing who I am.  That dark inner critique, who used to grind me down, was attempting to rise up again and tell me "Give up!  What are you doing here?  You don't belong here!  You are out of your league."

So there is my trial.  The battle is inside my own head and it will continue to be fought there no matter if I find success or not.  So what do I do about it?

I have found my strength in scripture, God's word.  In the past I would try to just ignore those words of negativity.  But that was usually a sure fire way to lose.  I have lost with that tactic over and over.  It has never worked.  Over the years I have heard people talk about how God's word and presence have given them strength.  I knew the way to endurance is in the Bible along with the practice of prayer, but I have never been able to practice getting my strength from the Bible so my prayer life has been frustrating.  And going to God's word for your daily strength (or bread) is a practice.

I've also heard that courage is not the absence of fear, but it is doing what you need to do in spite of the fear.

I turn again to James 1:2 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."  What is this joy?  I don't feel like having a party when I am stressed or discouraged!  I don't believe it is excitement or happiness like when you just received a present for your birthday and it is something you have always wanted.  This joy is actually more like peace - knowing everything is going to be okay, no matter what happens.  Why would I have peace when I should feel stressed?  Because of what I know about God and I know him from scripture.  This is it: When you face trials, of all sorts, it is a test of faith - will you hold on and not give up or give in to discouragement and fear and anger?  Will you believe God is for you and not against you(Romans 8:31)?  Will you believe he has your best in mind (Jeremiah 29:11)?  Will you believe he is working all things for the good (Romans 8:29)?

Now I know that this dream and the pursuit of it is not earth shaking.  It will not change the world by overthrowing dictators or changing the minds of millions to embrace peace on earth - more than likely.  So I don't have a real burden on my shoulders for that.  I don't even need to look at this as the only way to make a living - it's not.  I believe God will provide for my family, one way or another.

But the pursuit of this dream is a trial I have chosen, to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone, to push myself harder, to accomplish something difficult rather than easy, to meet new people who in the past I would have felt too intimidated by to approach.  And in all of it to learn to trust God more deeply.  If I can keep myself centered on that and make it the goal, then I can begin in a small way to use this to bring glory to my Father in Heaven and his Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit who lives in me giving me wisdom and strength.

Little Steps on a Long Journey

Last week I posted that I have a dream of becoming a published author/illustrator.  I know I need accountability and I am going to start posting weekly how I have taken new steps toward that goal.  I started this blog at the beginning of September and that has been such a huge move.  I have had so much positive feed back from these first endevours.   It feels like there are so many things coming together.  When I first got out of college, I had no idea how to go about becoming an illustrator other than the advice of a professor which was to move to New York.  My path didn't move in that direction at that time.  But I have had the chance to get some life experience, meet friends who love me enough to encourage me, and explore other avenues that were not there 20 years ago.

So, this week, I wrote my goals out.  I had done this before but this time it was in a more concise list.  I then posted it above my work space which itself was a big step in the direction of achieving my goal that I made back in August.  Now I can see that list every time I sit down to work and remind myself of what exactly I am looking forward to.

I also established a schedule for blogging.  Everything I am reading is insisting that having an online presence is vital to finding a door into the publishing world.  I am also recognizing that this is a wonderful format to practice the art of writing as well as a kind of gallery to show my art work and receive some feed back.  Being part of a community here online can only help me to grow as an artist, and I hope the journey I take along that path can help someone else to have hope and not give up like I did when I was younger.  Having said all of that, I intend to post Monday through Friday about art, goals, writing, inspiration and leaning on my Lord God through all of this.

Something I have been doing for a while, though with no real direction, is visiting the library and collecting books on the above topics.  Now I know that educating myself in a regular and purposeful way is necessary for me to have quality posts here but also for me to become a skillful illustrator and author.  I know I need to have knowledge about the industry and find ways to hone my craft.  I am not a college student anymore, with abundant free time and few responsibilities   I am a mother and wife, with a household to care for, two part time jobs and other commitments.  Over the years I have mistreated my talents and left them to atrophy with too many excuses.  Now I know that this is not only cheating myself, but my children as well because I want them to see that their mom has talent and vibrancy which they can be proud of, even if I never have the kind of success I dream of.  When all is said and done, I want to have at least TRIED.

These steps are not new or really particular to this past week, but I have had the opportunity to stop and say, yes I am  taking steps.  I am not doing nothing.  So to take an accounting of what I have done can only give me more strength to keep moving forward.  As I take these steps, I will continue to pray for wisdom and strength, because I don't know where the path will lead and I do know I do not have the strength on my own to climb this mountain, but I know the Lord will provide for me.

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you will take a moment to comment.  I would love to know about your own journey toward your goals.