The Lord Has Compassion...

The past couple of weeks have been hard.  I mentioned some of it in my last post.  The loss of a dear friend has really taken its toll.  It's strange how we can think we are struggling and suffering in life and then a true tragedy comes along and it puts everything into perspective.  The struggles don't seem so bad and all the worries become silly and petty.  The true tragedy tears at us and jolts us back into reality.  Then real pain grips us and we are overwhelmed.

Yet always, God is there, offering his comfort.

I did this watercolor as I grieved for my friend and his wife.  I am so glad we have the gift of creativity to express our deepest emotions.  In this expression there is comfort and healing.

Thank you for stopping to see my art and read my words.  I would love to know how you, dear reader, use your creativity, art, writing, music, etc. to work out the hard primal emotions.  Please leave a comment.  You might help someone find an outlet for their pain.

Reevaluating My Motivation

Over the past several weeks I have been finding myself questioning all of this "pursuing a career" stuff.  I've never been a career minded person to begin with (having a job was a means to an end, that being supporting my family) so I just thought I was having a case of cold feet, experiencing the fear and uncertainty of a new venture.  Tonight, though, I am wondering if the motivation I have been using to keep me working has been bothering me because it grinds against the way I am made and what I believe.  Maybe my not being a "career person" is just who I am.

When I speak of a career person, I mean the idea that I am only doing this or that job because there is a carrot called money dangling in my face and I am really wanting that carrot.  This makes me uncomfortable spiritually.  I acknowledge that I need money, we all do, but if I claim faith in in God, do I not trust that he will provide for me, so striving with only avarice in my heart denies that faith.  But if I work at my job, what ever it might be with an eye on being a blessing to others and trust God to care for my physical needs, I work with a motivation that is more nourishing to my soul.

Creating art has been seen a as a soulful pursuit, not a money making scheme.  If artists made art and people fell over themselves to buy it, it would be seen as a money making scheme.  Having said that, I know there are a handful of artists, who are famous and adored by millions, whether visual artist, musicians or writers, and they are multi-millionairs, but they are a rarefied group.  What about the rest of us?  What about me?  I would like to make a living from my art, but I never have.  I have never really tried.  But I have also never made art with the idea of being a blessing.

What would happen if I did?

So maybe I need a New Year's Resolution for the end of January (it's never too late to make a resolution to change for the better).  I am resolving to change my focus and motivation.  I am resolving to make my priority to be and bring a blessing to those who experience my creations.  I did not make myself to be an artist.  These talents have just happened to me and the joy they give me has caused me to work at my skills.  I am going to work at being a blessing.

Jesus said if someone makes you walk a mile, walk two with them.  If someone takes your coat, give him your shirt too.  Why should I look at my talent as something to horde?  God has given me this gift without any strings attached.  He has given it to me freely to use how ever I please, even for my own gain.  What if I give my talent away as freely as it has been given to me?  I know, there are going be to those who say, NO!  you will cheapen it for the rest of us!  I understand and I don't want to do that, but the greatest artists, those who have made really amazing stuff that has come down to us through the ages made it out of love... love of making beauty, love of entertaining and teaching people, love of the divine.  Money is nice, but it is not everything.  And for those who believe that God is good and that he provides for even those who do not love him, there is no need to fear.  I know sounds Polly Annaish but I believe this.

I want to give to others.  I want to make people smile and to be encouraged.  I want to create beauty.  I want to make that which will point to the God who has made us and loves all of humanity.  I want to be his instrument.

(I want to add that I had just started reading a book, APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur - How to Publish a Book, by Guy Kawasaki and Shawn Welch when this hit me with such clarity.  I am going to read the rest of it, interested in following their advice, but with a different motive.  Thanks for the book, guys).

Thank you for reading my thoughts.  I am not really writing to persuade anyone but myself and you have a right to your opinion and your own motivations.  It is none of my business what your motive might be, but I am intrigued by your thoughts on the matter because I want to understand others.  So, please feel free to share your comments on this post. I appreciate that you stopped by to read it!

Keeping It All in Perspective

Over the past months I have been considering the book of James.  Within its words is so much wisdom.  And so much that I am missing.  But as I come to verse 9, I have to stop and let the words resonate in my heart.  They are words that should remind me about what is important.  James says, "But let the brother of humble circumstances glory in his high position  and let the rich man glory in his humiliation, because like the flowering grass he will pass away.  For the sun rises with a scorching wind, and withers the grass; and its flower falls off, and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away."

On the one hand I might consider that I am the poor man because I certainly don't have what some people have.  My computer is old, my car is old, my TV is old, my clothes are from Goodwill and my home is small.  But then I think of what true poverty is and I am so far removed from that because I do have a roof over my head and my family has more than one vehicle, old as they may be.  I have food for at least 3 meals a day.  I have part time jobs.  Other members of my household also have jobs.  Hmm.  I'm not poor at all.  So I have to consider the words to the rich man instead.

He is to glory in his humiliation.  From there it goes on to talk of death in a veiled kind of way.  For the rich man, death is the great humiliation for everything he has is going to be taken away.  No one can take it with them. Death separates us from everything we accumulated. The poor man is in a high position because he has nothing and is therefore given the opportunity to have greater faith in God's mercy and provision.  The rich man has little need for God, because he will provide for himself, at least that is his perception of things.

I think of the poor of some places in the world where a person might have nothing, not even a shred of clothing.  They may not even belong to themselves but rather are the property of another person... probably a rich man of some sort.

But this post is not a call to feel guilty for having my physical needs met.  Rather I know I have to keep things in perspective.  It is too easy for me to get caught up in plans and goals and forget that all I have is a gift.  I was born in America not by my choice, but because of several great-grandparents choosing to leave their homelands to come here.  I was not born in a place like Somalia which is so poor and war torn and seems to me like one of the most remote places on earth.  I was born to Christian parents who took me to church and so I know my knowledge of God was not of my doing either.  I did not control the conception of my children.  I waited over 3 years for my son to be conceived.  I don't know why I even got that gift when I know of so many who yearn for a child and never receive one.

So much of my life was already decided for me: where I was born, the people I have known, the schools I attended, the shape of my face and sound of my voice, my ability to create art.  These are things that were given to me.  Somethings have been sources of pain. Some have brought happiness.  At the end of it all, the things I do have control over are my attitude towards what I have been given and towards when I have yet to be given.

James says in the midst of his pursuits the rich man will faded away.  The things that I worry over will not last.  The trials of today will pass away as well.  All that I stress over is a storm that will only last the night and in the morning there will be sunshine.  I think that all my worry, which I am feeling towards this pursuit of a career, is for nothing because God himself is the only one who knows how it will all come out and in the end, I will pass away and all that i have done will eventually pass away as well.

It is a very American thing to have a dream and an ambition.  America prospers when our people dream.  But in the dreaming it is important to not forget what has been given which is so easy to take for granted.  James knew his Bible and his words reminded me of the words of Solomon who lives some 1500 years earlier.   In the book of Ecclesiastes he says in Chapter 12 verse 1, "Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, 'I have no delight in them'".  I want to remember that I have been created.  I am not self made except in the decisions I have made personally and even these have been effected by the decisions of others.  I am choosing to pursue my dream of being an illustrator, but it cannot become an illusion that distracts me from the realities of life, which are that death is a breath away so I must live thankful for each breath and all that I have in the end has been allowed to me, whether I did something to attain it or not, it is all a gift from God.

I know there are many who say that they are self made.  I know these people have worked hard in their pursuits.  But in the end all that we have will be taken away.  It is to God alone we must answer.  I know to worry is futile.  I place my dreams in to the hands of my Creator.  I trust him.  I have no reason not to.  Even what has been difficult and painful in my life has made me more humble and more grateful and I would not trade that.

Please leave a comment and share how your feel about your dreams and plans. I would love to hear your opinion.  Thanks so much for stopping by to read my post.  It means a lot to me!  May the Lord give you peace which is what we are all really after.

An Aha Moment

Through the difficulties of last week, with illness and needy children, as well as keeping up with day job work and my house, I felt (and still feel) frustrated that I couldn't spend more time drawing and blogging.  When I did sit at the computer it twas to browse because I couldn't bring myself to be constructive   I didn't put in an entry last week for Illustration Friday because I felt so drained.  I sketched something, but failed to move forward with it.

But even as I had all these feelings of failure, I see an over arching theme at play here that I know is not a coincidence   I think this last week was a lesson in pushing through and not giving into laziness or procrastination.   In the future,  Lord willing,  I will have assignments and I will have to push through what ever blocks I come up against.  I will have to grit my teeth and keep going.

I keep going back to what James says in the first chapter of his book in the Bible; "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endureance."  I may not have brought any great witness this week for the cause of Christ or done anything noteworthy that involved me talking about Jesus, but I think I might have moved a step closer to maturity,

By realizing I have not given up, even for fatigue and distraction, I have learned something really special about endurance and persevering which are God's specialties.

God has persisted in maintaining life on earth despite our unbelief and out right hostility as we have blamed him for our terrible behavior.  Yes, wars are waged, hurricanes happen, and babies die and I don't make light of the grief of losing a baby or anything else for that matter, but babies continue to be born and life for humanity as a whole continues, in spite of our best efforts to destroy ourselves.  In it all, God endures with the love he has for all man kind.

And he promises to keep it going.  He also promises to be the companion, guide, teacher, and savior of those who will trust him.  Most of the time, I'm a pretty shabby follower of Christ, yet that promise is for me too.  And the fact that I can see past my grumpy feelings of wanting to walk away from any future creative endeavors and blame every one in my house for my failures, to the beautiful lesson of pushing through and enduring is not from my own ability to understand.  Most times, I can't get past myself to get the big picture.  I'd rather be mad or feel sorry for myself.

Instead, God seems to have heard me this morning when I asked for wisdom.  I give God all the credit if I have figured anything out at

Consider it Joy

James 1:2 - 8 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

      But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

On the outside, pursuing this dream to become and illustrator and author doesn't look like a trial.  It's not like I have experienced rejection yet, or broken a sweat or gone bankrupt.  I'm still in the infancy stages, building a presentable portfolio, developing a blog that displays my process, work and voice, finding my "style" and just keeping up with the schedule I have made for myself.  But it is change, even if it is only changing my mind.

Last week I joined a lovely group of people on Face Book to form a critique group.  We introduced ourselves and posted our respective sites so that each of us could look into the work of the others.  Each person told a little about themselves too.  

Well, I'm going to admit it.  I got intimidated.  It really has little to do with the people as much as it has to do with me talking to actual people and exposing who I am.  That dark inner critique, who used to grind me down, was attempting to rise up again and tell me "Give up!  What are you doing here?  You don't belong here!  You are out of your league."

So there is my trial.  The battle is inside my own head and it will continue to be fought there no matter if I find success or not.  So what do I do about it?

I have found my strength in scripture, God's word.  In the past I would try to just ignore those words of negativity.  But that was usually a sure fire way to lose.  I have lost with that tactic over and over.  It has never worked.  Over the years I have heard people talk about how God's word and presence have given them strength.  I knew the way to endurance is in the Bible along with the practice of prayer, but I have never been able to practice getting my strength from the Bible so my prayer life has been frustrating.  And going to God's word for your daily strength (or bread) is a practice.

I've also heard that courage is not the absence of fear, but it is doing what you need to do in spite of the fear.

I turn again to James 1:2 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."  What is this joy?  I don't feel like having a party when I am stressed or discouraged!  I don't believe it is excitement or happiness like when you just received a present for your birthday and it is something you have always wanted.  This joy is actually more like peace - knowing everything is going to be okay, no matter what happens.  Why would I have peace when I should feel stressed?  Because of what I know about God and I know him from scripture.  This is it: When you face trials, of all sorts, it is a test of faith - will you hold on and not give up or give in to discouragement and fear and anger?  Will you believe God is for you and not against you(Romans 8:31)?  Will you believe he has your best in mind (Jeremiah 29:11)?  Will you believe he is working all things for the good (Romans 8:29)?

Now I know that this dream and the pursuit of it is not earth shaking.  It will not change the world by overthrowing dictators or changing the minds of millions to embrace peace on earth - more than likely.  So I don't have a real burden on my shoulders for that.  I don't even need to look at this as the only way to make a living - it's not.  I believe God will provide for my family, one way or another.

But the pursuit of this dream is a trial I have chosen, to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone, to push myself harder, to accomplish something difficult rather than easy, to meet new people who in the past I would have felt too intimidated by to approach.  And in all of it to learn to trust God more deeply.  If I can keep myself centered on that and make it the goal, then I can begin in a small way to use this to bring glory to my Father in Heaven and his Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit who lives in me giving me wisdom and strength.

Am I Doing this for God or for me?

I think of all the things I am posting here, this will be the most difficult.  I think it is a struggle many Christians have; how do I do my work to bring glory to God?  Is that even possible?

In Colossians 3:23-24 Paul says, "In all the work you are doing, work the best you can.  Work as if you were doing it for the Lord, not for people.  Remember that you will receive your reward from the Lord, which he promised to his people.  You are serving the Lord Christ." (NCV)

So how do I make art, make literature, make a profit (if there is one to be made) and still do it as if God is my employer, because he really is, providing all I need to live in his unseen way?  Do I only talk of Christ and make art that directly refers to him, or do I just practice my craft to the very best of my ability to make that which is beautiful because all beauty hearkens back to the Creator?

Even having this blog is questionable.  Am I glorifying God or am I seeking glory for myself?  Have I made something that bears witness to God's goodness or has it only shown off my own skills, which are simply gifts from God?  Have I done my best work, because if I am truly in the employ of the King of the Universe, my best work is required?  Am I trusting the Lord for my reward or am I seeking something that is not from him?

I do not know how much of what I do is really for God; maybe very little.  Much of what I do is probably a product of worry and ambition.  But every day is a day to draw near to Christ and seek God's face.  I depend on God's grace to cover my meager efforts and make my work worthy.

As I continue forward, stretching to do my best, I pray that what I do will be for God's glory and that I will trust him with the rest.

Perhaps you struggle to find meaning in your work.  Please leave a comment and share your struggle or perhaps you triumph.  You can be an encouragement to others.