A Whole Year Has Gone By and I Am Still Here!

Well, I have really been neglecting my blog!  But that's okay.  Sometimes you need time away from something.  Then when you get back to it, it's like a fresh start. 

The amazing thing for me is that I am still here and still drawing a year after I began this journey.  And in the process I have chosen to give myself permission to not be perfect to do this work.  I have given myself permission to work slowly.  This is huge for me.  For years I have held the idea in my heart that if I can't succeed RIGHT NOW then I am automatically a failure.  So having spent many years focusing on other areas of my life, like my marriage and my children, the feeling of passing time has made me feel like I have missed my chance.  I know that is not true.

Last year I started drawing and blogging out of a sense of urgency because I had just turned 39 and started thinking if I don't get this going now, I'll be old and never get the chance.  Now I am officially 40 and the past year has been a chance to learn new things about myself and become stronger in my character and my determination.  New opportunities are presenting themselves because I have stuck with this and more will come along as I continue and don't give up. 

I don't know where I am going, but I know the journey is going to be a good one, no matter what happens.  I am amazed that I am so full of hope!  I am so thankful for what God has given to me...another chance.  And isn't that what we all want?

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you are inspired to keep going after your dreams.  Please leave a comment and share your hope and journey.  I want so much to hear what other people's experiences have been.



Recent sketches that will soon become finished watercolor illustrations!

Expectations

When I started this blog, I had this expectation that I would start posting my art work and comments and someone would see my stuff and things would start to happen.  Well, I have had a lot of someones check out my site and I have gotten some nice compliments and feed back.  Posting comments have had the effect of a journal, which a good journal will always get the writer to do some soul searching.  Five months in and it is February, the dreariest month of the year, and I am realizing I have so much yet to learn!

My art is nice, but it could be so much better.  My writing is okay, but this too needs be crafted more.  I am finding it difficult to keep up with my blog, my portfolio and my story ideas in a busy home with a family and part time jobs.  Goals I set for myself have gone from being steep inclines to mountains to climb.  I am also battling my own fears which in the light of logic look ridiculous, but they are still there when logic takes a nap.

So, I am still struggling with what I started to wrestle with in December.  My productivity has sagged and my frustration has become as prickly as an agitated porcupine.  In my clearer moments I KNOW this is just life.  Life is tricky, trying, tiring, testing and sometimes just trifling.  The lesson to learn here is the same as it was before... perseverance.  It has been the lesson for I don't know how long.  I have to keep learning it and persevering through the tests at the end of each lesson.

As I look out at this gloomy mid-winter day, I am trying to readjust my expectations and goals.  In the months ahead, I don't know what will happen in regards to my art, but my goal is to keep making it and to keep seeking to make it better.  I don't know how well I will balance my responsibilities  but my goal is to keep trying to figure it out, even if I totally blow it from time to time.  I just pray for the grace to get through the blunders.  I don't know if I will ever lose all of my sharp edges, but I am going to continue to grind on them.  One day, they may disappear.  My expectations will continue to get too big at times, but Lord willing, I will have future moments of clarity and readjust them to reality.

Thanks for stopping by to read my thoughts.  My purpose is to document my journey as a revived artist, trying to make my art while still doing motherhood and being a wife along with all the work that life gives us to do.  Your comments always mean so much to me so please let me know what you think.  Blessings to you dear Reader!

Are You Gearing Up for the Holidays?

That is probably a silly question.  My kids are bouncing off the walls about it but that is what makes it fun!

I wanted to let you know, my kind readers, that even though I am not posting as often here as I was a month ago, I have not abandoned my blog or its themes.  I appreciate everyone who visits here and I intend to continue to post even through the holidays, but I won't be doing it as faithfully as I had been.  I hope to post once a week, but probably not more than that, unless I get a surge of energy!

I have to admit that I feel disappointed with my lack of energy to keep up with my blog, but I have to also admit when I have bitten off more than I can chew.  So that I may spend plenty of time with my family and friends, I'm going to continue to back off of posting.  I will come back, full of things to say, after the turn of the new year though!

Thank you for stopping by.  Hope to start spending more time with you again after the Holidays!!

Little Steps on a Long Journey

Last week I posted that I have a dream of becoming a published author/illustrator.  I know I need accountability and I am going to start posting weekly how I have taken new steps toward that goal.  I started this blog at the beginning of September and that has been such a huge move.  I have had so much positive feed back from these first endevours.   It feels like there are so many things coming together.  When I first got out of college, I had no idea how to go about becoming an illustrator other than the advice of a professor which was to move to New York.  My path didn't move in that direction at that time.  But I have had the chance to get some life experience, meet friends who love me enough to encourage me, and explore other avenues that were not there 20 years ago.

So, this week, I wrote my goals out.  I had done this before but this time it was in a more concise list.  I then posted it above my work space which itself was a big step in the direction of achieving my goal that I made back in August.  Now I can see that list every time I sit down to work and remind myself of what exactly I am looking forward to.

I also established a schedule for blogging.  Everything I am reading is insisting that having an online presence is vital to finding a door into the publishing world.  I am also recognizing that this is a wonderful format to practice the art of writing as well as a kind of gallery to show my art work and receive some feed back.  Being part of a community here online can only help me to grow as an artist, and I hope the journey I take along that path can help someone else to have hope and not give up like I did when I was younger.  Having said all of that, I intend to post Monday through Friday about art, goals, writing, inspiration and leaning on my Lord God through all of this.

Something I have been doing for a while, though with no real direction, is visiting the library and collecting books on the above topics.  Now I know that educating myself in a regular and purposeful way is necessary for me to have quality posts here but also for me to become a skillful illustrator and author.  I know I need to have knowledge about the industry and find ways to hone my craft.  I am not a college student anymore, with abundant free time and few responsibilities   I am a mother and wife, with a household to care for, two part time jobs and other commitments.  Over the years I have mistreated my talents and left them to atrophy with too many excuses.  Now I know that this is not only cheating myself, but my children as well because I want them to see that their mom has talent and vibrancy which they can be proud of, even if I never have the kind of success I dream of.  When all is said and done, I want to have at least TRIED.

These steps are not new or really particular to this past week, but I have had the opportunity to stop and say, yes I am  taking steps.  I am not doing nothing.  So to take an accounting of what I have done can only give me more strength to keep moving forward.  As I take these steps, I will continue to pray for wisdom and strength, because I don't know where the path will lead and I do know I do not have the strength on my own to climb this mountain, but I know the Lord will provide for me.

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope you will take a moment to comment.  I would love to know about your own journey toward your goals.