A Painting a Day - Days 68 & 69

I was supposed to post this peaceful frog yesterday. But I wasn't feeling peaceful at all. I was stressed and exhausted. I managed the sketch, but not the color.

It has been a week with ups and downs. Unfortunately the downs have been rough enough to cancel out the ups.

Relationships can give us such comfort and other times they can cause such inner turmoil. And I am realizing I am not so great at friendships sometimes. I am self centered and thoughtless.

When I feel stressed or uncertain, I withdraw and I am sure I leave people who were counting on me wondering what became of me.

It is hard to face my short comings. I feel embarrassed and upset. I feel guilty for letting people down who had had expected more of me.

I want to do better. I want there to be a greater quiet in me so that I don't withdraw. I wish I could explain to those I let down. But maybe my explanation is lame. On the outside I look like I am strong but inside I am fragile and weak. On the outside I look like I want to be there for others. On the inside it is all about me. I worry so much about pleasing other people I set myself up for a big let down because I can't live up to the image I present.

I should be more grateful and more patient. I should be wiser and more sensible. I want to be the kind of friend who says all the right things and appears at the right moment. Instead I miss opportunities to comfort and support because I am intimidated by the situation or there is a conflict between helping one person and being there for another.

I don't want to offend anyone. But somehow I manage it. Somehow I have to let this go and accept that I make mistakes. Apologies are all I have. I wish they were enough. Not much more I can do except pray. Pray a lot. I'm praying right now. And I am waiting to be peaceful.

As always my paintings are available for sale. Each one is $25 a piece. If you would like to own one, please email me at lauraparkhurstillustrator@gmail.com. Thanks for coming by to see my art. Thanks for listening to my emotional

Prayer for Creativity

I've have discovered a new place inside myself.  It is a place where I am completely helpless, like being stranded in the middle of a wilderness with no resources except the spongy organ between my ears.  It is an uncomfortable place, scary actually and I am not often happy there.  Mostly I am overwhelmed  and scared.  What is this place?  It is my creativity. 

Unpredictable and shifting as the weather in Kansas in April, I am finding creativity is hard to manage.  It is vibrant and powerful one day and the next it is wilted and barely alive.  And frustration only makes it worse.

In this place I have also discovered an oasis - a place refreshing and restful.  It is a place called Prayer.  I am a Christian and I believe God loves us and when we trust in his son, Jesus, our prayers suddenly become powerful.  Not to say that I don't have days when I feel like they are bouncing off of the ceiling, but my feelings are deceitful and the truth is that God hears me and he desires to give me peace.

I wrote recently about peace and I know it is what we all long for.  It is the underlying motivation behind all that we do whether it is to make money so we have security, to find a mate who will make us feel loved, to pursue a dream that will fill us with satisfaction.  It also motivates us to evil, like trying to control other people or circumstances, or even for one group of people to do violence to another group because there is the wrong headed belief that other group it the cause of a lack of peace.

True peace is only found in Jesus Christ and trusting him to reconcile us to our Creator and to keep us with him, even unto death.  And in him I also find peace from the things which attempt to torment me, like frustration, bitterness, anger, distrust and deferred dreams.  Little by little I am turning over to him all parts of my life, especially my creativity.  Through him God created the universe.  I know that my creativity is important to him as well, for he has put that light in me. 

So I surrender my creative dreams to him and I will be praying more.  Praying for peace and also that I would be a bringer of blessings to those who will see my art and read my writing.  I will be praying that he will make the work of my hands glorifying to him.

I invite you to pray and call on Jesus.  He loves you so much.  He desires you more than you can imagine for he made you.  The Bible says that those who call on the name of the Lord will be saved.  Call on him today and he will rush to you for he has promised to be with us always.  And let today be the beginning of a relationship with him.  Never stop praying.  When I have, it is as if I stopped breathing deeply.  So pray.  I am praying too.... and praying for you.

Capture Peace

Making art really is a struggle sometimes.  Not a struggle I understand because I want creativity to be an act that is natural.  And I would say I want it to be like breathing, but even breathing is a labor sometimes.  Maybe I am just looking for easy this days.  I want something in my life to not be difficult.  So many things feel heavy, from the everyday routine chores to the complexities of relationships to the puzzlement over making decisions.  And in the midst of all these things, my creativity, my desire to create and express myself gets shoved into a dark corner.  In the past I had gotten used to this.  I learned to live with out my art.  Now I feel like I am neglecting some fragile thing that is going to die if I leave it for too long.

I am restless and uneasy.  I want to be peaceful, but my mind won't let me rest.  It is as if I am looking for things to worry over, because I don't know what to do with quietness.  I know peace is within arms reach.  I only have to stretch out to receive it.  But can I lift my arms from their rigidity?
Can I let new ideas come into my mind or must I be like a rat on a wheel, going over the same nonsense over and over?

I want peace to come rest on me, but all this internal tossing and turning is swatting it away.  My emotions are unruly and I am not disciplined enough to make them mind.  But I have to do it.  Somehow I have to quiet my mind, pray more, worry less, make my hands do something productive and beautiful.  I have to will my mind to stillness and will my hands to move.  Somehow.  And I hope writing this here will help me encourage myself to do just that.  If I am my own worst enemy, I must become my own greatest ally. 

Feeling worried and unhappy is something most of us struggle with.  How do you cope with it?  I would love to get some good advice.  Please leave a comment and share what you do to make your creativity flow.  Thanks for stopping by!